obsession.

step sideways, fall between the cracks.
close call, fade to black.

and maybe once I'm bones you'll understand.
I'll waste into nothing, slip right through your hands.

tearing through my veins, a blood borne disease.
sewing shut what I can, and stretching at the seams.

and maybe once I'm bones you'll understand.
I'll waste into nothing, slip right through your hands.

excuse my excuses, but today I'm feeling off.
only 100 consumed, and I'm trying to be tough.
breaking, small and fragile
body turning brittle

and maybe once I'm bones you'll understand.
I'll waste into nothing, slip right through your hands.
withdrawn, solitude.

SLKGADIOUGJAOEIRHM
My medication is makin' me chubbeh D:

"So you're gone, and I'm haunted; and I bet you are just fine."

do I make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?

I need to quit this!!!! this FEELING. ugh.
started new chemo today.
Apparently, I have not only Behcets syndrome, but now they found i have fibromayalgia too.
so i'm on boatloads of methotrexate, prednisone, ibuprofen, and folic acid.
awesome.
methotrexate is this super hardcore drug too hahahahaha fml!

And the sky was made of amethyst
And all the stars look just like little fish
You should learn when to go
You should learn how to say no

Might last a day yeah
Mine is forever
Might last a day, yeah
Well mine is forever

When they get what they want they never want it again
When they get what they want they never want it again

Go on, take everything, take everything I want you to
Go on, take everything take everything take everything I want you to

And the sky was all violet I want it again, but more violet, more violet
Hey, Im the one with no soul
One above and one below

Go on, take everything take everything I want you to
Go on, take everything take everything I want you to

I told you from the start just how this would end
When I get what I want I never want it again

Go on, take everything take everyting I want you to
Go on, take everything, take everything I want you to
Go on, take everything, take everything I want you to
Go on, take everything, take everything I want you to
Go on take everything take everything take everything take everything

still not over him....


It's hard to believe that I ever will be.

There’s a possibility
There’s a possibility
All that I had was all I gon’ get
There’s a possibility
There’s a possibility
All I gon’ get is gone with your step


So tell me when you hear my heart stop,
You’re the only one who knows
Tell me when you hear my silence
There’s a possibility
I wouldn’t know

Know that when you leave
Know that when you leave
By blood and by mean
You walk like a thief
By blood and by mean
I fall when you leave

So tell me when you hear my heart stop,
You’re the only one who knows
Tell me when you hear my silence
There’s a possibility
I wouldn’t know

Tell me when my sigh is over
You’re the reason why I’m close
Tell me if you hear me falling
There's a possibility
It wouldn’t show

By blood and by mean
I fall when you leave
By blood and by mean
I follow your lead


http://www.myspace.com/lykkeli

river flows in you.

you in flows river.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rhN7SG-H-3k


that song is amazing.
it's the only thing I can even write this while listening to.

I realized this is my bitch about Adam blog, and no one but... like Stotler has read it ahah.
I'm off of hiatus for a little bit.

This blog has become a record of some sorts, to maintain that he was real, and to make sure I remember everything that's caused me this pain.
Where we left off ? Right. She sold the ring, and then sent the money to him in Florida.
And guess who he began talking to again?


...
I was stupid, once more.
I keep ending up the stupid, tragic, dumb girl in this. And I will never judge another girl like me ever again for it. I've not earned the right to hypocrisy.
I broke Collin's heart.
Adam led me away from my path again... Everytime I'm so damn close to being happy again and being normal, he comes back, like some kind of sick disease. or maybe like herpes. or something. it's painful.
it's nauseating.
I'm sick as hell, taking my chemo, trying to forget him.
and there he is again.

and he's so easy to want
so easy to believe.
he told me he wanted to be with me.
that he would finish our story.





but I quit answering again.
I became stronger again.
I found a new distraction.
and this one i want to stay with.
he's amazing.
Alex is truly amazing, he is...

and Adam found someone else in Florida finally.
in a way, I'm very distraught. to hear that he's moved on. that he's okay.
but I'm very happy that finally, he's okay.
he's dating someone that isn't her... He is not with her anymore. She's not controlling him.
He's on his own road to recovery.
I deleted him from every form of communication, pretty much.
No more facebook, the easiest convention.
I'm going to learn to live now.
and he's learning....


it hurts like hell to be done.
it hurts like hell.
but hopefully, I'm closing this chapter for good.
this may be the end of the story.
it really may be.