There’s a possibility
There’s a possibility
All that I had was all I gon’ get
There’s a possibility
There’s a possibility
All I gon’ get is gone with your step


So tell me when you hear my heart stop,
You’re the only one who knows
Tell me when you hear my silence
There’s a possibility
I wouldn’t know

Know that when you leave
Know that when you leave
By blood and by mean
You walk like a thief
By blood and by mean
I fall when you leave

So tell me when you hear my heart stop,
You’re the only one who knows
Tell me when you hear my silence
There’s a possibility
I wouldn’t know

Tell me when my sigh is over
You’re the reason why I’m close
Tell me if you hear me falling
There's a possibility
It wouldn’t show

By blood and by mean
I fall when you leave
By blood and by mean
I follow your lead


http://www.myspace.com/lykkeli

river flows in you.

you in flows river.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rhN7SG-H-3k


that song is amazing.
it's the only thing I can even write this while listening to.

I realized this is my bitch about Adam blog, and no one but... like Stotler has read it ahah.
I'm off of hiatus for a little bit.

This blog has become a record of some sorts, to maintain that he was real, and to make sure I remember everything that's caused me this pain.
Where we left off ? Right. She sold the ring, and then sent the money to him in Florida.
And guess who he began talking to again?


...
I was stupid, once more.
I keep ending up the stupid, tragic, dumb girl in this. And I will never judge another girl like me ever again for it. I've not earned the right to hypocrisy.
I broke Collin's heart.
Adam led me away from my path again... Everytime I'm so damn close to being happy again and being normal, he comes back, like some kind of sick disease. or maybe like herpes. or something. it's painful.
it's nauseating.
I'm sick as hell, taking my chemo, trying to forget him.
and there he is again.

and he's so easy to want
so easy to believe.
he told me he wanted to be with me.
that he would finish our story.





but I quit answering again.
I became stronger again.
I found a new distraction.
and this one i want to stay with.
he's amazing.
Alex is truly amazing, he is...

and Adam found someone else in Florida finally.
in a way, I'm very distraught. to hear that he's moved on. that he's okay.
but I'm very happy that finally, he's okay.
he's dating someone that isn't her... He is not with her anymore. She's not controlling him.
He's on his own road to recovery.
I deleted him from every form of communication, pretty much.
No more facebook, the easiest convention.
I'm going to learn to live now.
and he's learning....


it hurts like hell to be done.
it hurts like hell.
but hopefully, I'm closing this chapter for good.
this may be the end of the story.
it really may be.

I realize I haven't really been posting lately.
I'm dating someone new. I care for him, but he's probably not the one.

I haven't spoken a word to Adam in at least two months.
He's engaged to Alex now.
And that's how my story ends.
__________________________________________________________

Let's not forget ourselves, good friend.
I am flawed if I'm not free.
And your husband will never leave you,
He will never leave you for me.

another mixtape burned

it's times like these when i think you're not listening to me
i scream so loud but still you won't see.
crashing words and angry hands.

I still sing this for you.
Please press play on your tape deck.

It's times like this I don't think I exist.
Tug at your shirt, not even a kiss.
Crashing words, angry hands.


I still sing this for you.
Please press play on your tape deck.

Would it make it any better if I just get up and leave?
Would it make it any better? 'cause I'm just a dumb fucking kid with time to waste.


I still sing this for you.
Please press play on your tape deck.

needs moar added to it

A night spent handing you the keys and crawling in to bed
Keep the radio low, just try to clear your head
Just lead, I follow, just leave, I follow.
shaking hips, steady hands, pressing lips, no demands.

Pacing, stretching, still waiting
bedroom eyes, she's still baiting.
Roll over, just sleep, roll over, just sleep.
Can't shake you from my mind, it's you I have to keep.

fool me thrice, I'm messed up.

I'm sorry, but I've got to quit answering your calls.
I'm sorry, but you're not sorry at all.
Find another girl to carry your heartache and lack of spine.
I'm gone, you're too late, and yes I'm fine.
Words so empty, I don't believe you, don't believe in me.
This is a euphemism for getting what you deserve.
Find another girl to carry your heartache and lack of spine.
I'm gone, you're too late, and yes I'm fine.
Keep your roses, keep the thorns in the sides, I don't need another lie.
Keep your roses, keep the thorns in the sides, I don't need another lie.
Find another girl to carry your heartache and lack of spine.
I'm gone, you're too late, and yes I'm fine.
Find a girl to carry you, I'm gone, find a girl to carry you, you're wrong.

untitled.

nothing more, nothing less
a little betrayal, a little mess
away with her dignity for a moment of relief
falsehoods, no disbelief.

and gritting her teeth, the lies force themselves out
like the kiss on his lips and the taste in her mouth
she's purging again to rid herself of him
alone again, lights cut dim.

"And if I fall tomorrow, I'd still fall into your arms.
Like london's bridge is burning down. and, like the black
Sky falls around the moon,
It's true, I fall around you."

smoldering towards him once more
loving herself has proved such a chore
softly, hardly, hardly feeling at all
feeling no pain, feelings dissolve


"And if I fall tomorrow, I'd still fall into your arms.
Like london's bridge is burning down. and, like the black
Sky falls around the moon,
It's true, I fall around you."

"So, don't treat me like I'm your first;
another protege of something worse.
Say it once, say it again.
No lie can can make this one bend."

and, if I fall tomorrow, I'd still fall into your arms,
like london's bridge is burning down. but, like the black
sky falls around the moon,
it's true, I fall around you.
like the black sky falls around the moon, it's true, I die without you.

obsessive compillsive.

lined up her pills, straight for decay
one, each square inch, to take the pain away
shoulder hurts, pop one in.
brain hurts, take another.
heart aches, take about four.

live the way you're living and you'll only meet him at your funeral.
no heartbeat, white skin, tight lips, not resting in peace.
gone internally, externally leaving.

the truth sets you free? more like it kills you. bones breaking, fingers shaking, go on, one more.
room spins.
pills win.
take you then, take you soon , take you now, take you down.

slam.

I close my eyes and see jeans.
Denim stretched across the border of my right and left brain, hugging tightly around it instead of around her. I see them tearing from her, I see her undressing her legs for you. I see the neat obsessive compulsion taking over as she quickly, hastily folds them before returning to the bed.
Hair in her face, stroke her cheek, push it back.
Remember these memories and hurt; remember what happened and pain takes over. a few pills to pop and it's gone. Nerves do not send messages to you; they no longer work for you, and neither do I.
Close my eyes, hear sweet child of mine, and sit back. Sit back, relax, solid. No fading. You are the only translucent shadow in my life as of now. And if you had just left, done what you were supposed to, made a clean fucking break , I would be fine, cured of the pain. You run. You run hard, you run fast, quickly, foot after foot, the ground quakes in fear beneath your shoes and feet and body. Out of breath. shake. shatter. stop.
pant.
The oxygen floating in every single particle around us gathers into a more solid formation when you breathe. Your emissions cause them fear, cause them to cower and fall.
You are hurt, as am I.
the words stay in my mouth much like the air that hasn't left yet.
Tapping fingers impatiently upon a phone, to type in or not to. and I choose not to, I run down the road I'm supposed to, and my life is back in order. Just like that. But everything is out of place.
She left you, and you left me, and happily we cannot be.
Of course this is not purely chronological; the order is off, and it must be fixed. reorganize. replace. replace. I am replaced, and THEN you are. so it's all making sense.
The green shirt, the shirtless body after you return home, the pausing to bury your head in your hands


pausing.

and they worry. every friend and acquaintance worries for me. put on duty, put on watch put on babysitting due to a lack of self esteem probably, due to a chemical imbalance, probably.
q tip, change of pants and new shirt on, you are you again, and I don't know what you do now to be honest.
Before it was me there, it was you and it was me.
you worked, you me'd, you slept, rinse, wash, repeat.
but where do you go and who do you know? and what do you do?
is there a purpose.
lost, and found. build up, break down. metacarpus stretch, catabolism start. heart beat. lungs flex. mouth open. breathe in.
the phone does not ring. my hand does not answer the call that did not come
too close for comfort, too far for love, too gone to care.

Anabolism/Catabolism

you build up and break down
such a funny, cracking sound
build up, and then just break down

light one up, let it go
burn out, just go slow.
light one up, fade away, let go.

whisper to a scream,
build up in a dream.
shatter, steady, hold.

you build up, you break down.
everything is burning now.
build up, then just break down.

Bringing a Sword to a Gun Fight

I don’t think you should stand so close
Your words they serve as a second dose
You know that we could never be
You say to me sweetheart just be
Alone.


You say you’re a lost cause
But in fact you’re not.
I know you better than I know myself
And that scares me

I run to you
And I cry for you and
I bleed for you
Bruise for you black and blue

So in an array of patheticness I lose the battle I lose the fight
Wave my white flag and surrender hold it high hang em high hang em tall
You got in and out with ease of me and no battle was given
So in an array of love and your lust I lose the fight

You have the ammo and you have the gun but I’m learning how to use the safety lock

also, I have an obsession with boys night out and rilo today.
it was really important you all know this.

I also have no idea what I'm going to do ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!


sorry for lack of posting.
-__________________-`



"I found you when you were broken
Too many cracks of deceit
I will give you all I have
Just look up, break down and believe

This is a glass parade
A fragile state
And I am trying not to break
And the stars are shining
The moon is right
And I would kill to be with you tonight"

good lord, last night was ridiculous.
whiskey, rum, poker, if you catch my drift on the poker.
I even forgot to close the garage door I found out, oopsies.



I'm hanging out with Collin today. He is a really sweet kid.
and really likes me? Idk. I think I like him, but I really amn't sure what to do 'bout that, ahaha.
I'm stuck to Adam.
imagine that.
I'm already somebody's baby.

snip its is driving me insane little by little.